My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
