i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
