I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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