Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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