just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
