32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come on in and take your pants off
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