If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cannot find my penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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