She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
