That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
