K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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