I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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