you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
