do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
