Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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