i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
