there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
