this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
