he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
