i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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