i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
