We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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