Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My hand turned me down
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
