shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
