I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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