i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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