He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
