dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member