My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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