you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?