JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.