:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk is not a location!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.