i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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