mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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