it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
