Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
