New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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