Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
