Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
