i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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