Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nutella sex= disaster
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
