I just saw a hot homeless man
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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