she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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