You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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