I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
