If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
