On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
