i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
