Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
