Can i not drive my cunt home
my phone needs a breathalizer
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
