38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
