Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!