The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
