Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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