My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
