Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
