I hate your face
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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