Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
