This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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