Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
