Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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