Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
