My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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