I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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