My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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