we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
