you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
