Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
