She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
