Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
