Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
