saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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