I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
